- emilysophie
When your friend gets the part that you wanted
Learn how to actually feel good when your friend gets the part that you thought was meant to be yours...
The sting of pain that goes through your heart when you hear that your friend got the role that you desperately wanted, can be tough...really tough.
But! There is a scenario where you both come out feeling good, no hearts throbbing and your friendship still as good as ever-maybe even better. It just requires a little extra work on your end of course!
When we set our minds to achieve something, it can feel like a huge blow if that something doesn't materialise or even worse, gets 'taken' by our best friend. But the fact is, it doesn't have to feel like this.
Firstly...only we get to choose our reactions-no one else. Therefore, we are given chance after chance every minute of every day to create a happier scenario for ourselves, just through our reaction to things.
This doesn't mean that things are always fair of course, but if we want to remain in a happy state, we must choose to make this feeling our priority, over feeling right in our 'injustice'.
This basically means, sucking it up and taking the high road-and doing it because we value and respect ourselves and ultimately want the best for us.
So, your friend getting the dance role you so badly wanted and thought you deserved (which may well have been true-remember not everything in life is fair) means you have a choice to make-are you going to choose to be happy for your friend so you can remain at peace and feel happy too, or are you going to hold a pity party for one because you were dealt a possibly unfair blow and need to wallow in this to prove your wrongdoing and ultimately create pain and sadness for yourself in the process?
Secondly...if we always try to look for the silver lining...your friend getting that coveted role means that oppotunities like this are out there, they exist and they are open to everyone. It means that by them getting the role, they are showing you what is possible. It means, they are either cementing in your mind what you really, really want, or helping you to find a new path that is more suited to you. Either way, you're learning and growing, which is only a good thing.
Think about that time when this scenario was true for you-when you found out the news, how did you feel...honestly?
Moments like this can make or break us and help guide us which move we need to make next.
If you knew that the role your friend got was really what you wanted, then did it make you even more determined to go out and try again and keep trying until you got it?
Or did it make you want to give up that dream and find a new one because actually, you didn't really want it as much as you thought you did?
Or perhaps you thought you wanted it, but when it came to making it happen, you didn't want to do the steps necessary to achieve it-none of these thoughts are right or wrong by the way-they are just indicators of what your heart really desires, which is great!
It is always easier to feel wronged and to mope. It satisfies our need to feel right and know that we were dealt an unfair deal, which we can now wallow in.
But what is hard and yet ultimately much much better for our souls, is to choose happiness for ourselves, despite things not going our way. To choose to see the lesson or the blessing in the despair. To choose to be happy for others because we now know for sure that these opportunities and experiences are available to us all. And to choose our own happiness as a priority.
When you next find yourself in this position...take the harder path, so you can feel lighter.
Emily Sophie
